Thanks a lot

I'm sure everyone will be doing Thanksgiving themed posts today, and not to be left out I am doing one too.... with a twist. Have you ever said, "thanks a lot!" meaning you were anything but grateful? I know I have, there are situations when its tough to see outside of the current circumstance to things that you truly are thankful for. Its not as if there is nothing to be thankful for, just in those moments nothing comes to mind.

Below I have picked out some circumstance from the Bible, which while seemingly bizarre at times, are met with thanksgiving.

1CH 16:4 "He appointed some of the Levites to minister before the ark of the LORD, to make petition, to give thanks, and to praise the LORD, the God of Israel:" -Seems reasonable enough, but consider this, these Levites were tasked to do this as their job. How often are we thankful when getting assigned more tasks at work?


DAN 6:10 "Now when Daniel learned that the decree [pray only to the King of Persia] had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before." -What!? Who is thankful for one of their daily activities being suddenly punishable through death by lion? Are we thankful in the face of hard times?

JOH 6:11 [Feeding of the 5000] "Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish." -5 loaves and 2 fishes against 5000 hungry mouths. These odds did not look good, and yet Jesus gave thanks. Are we thankful for what we have, even when it doesn't seem like its enough? How about when Gods provides for us out of those meager circumstances?


PHI 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -When was the last time you were thankful for a need you had? Ever tried to ask for a really big favor thankfully?

The list goes on, but the point is there is more to thanksgiving than a holiday with turkey and football. That being said, I am thankful for both turkey and football, and for a holiday that celebrates these two things simultaneously.

Blue Carpet Madness

So as I mentioned earlier, I am done with grad school for the semester. While, my major (Leadership and Management) is not incredibly challenging, and I only took two courses (night classes), it did take up a significant amount of time. On top of that I am going to school full time for the Army at the Field Artillery Advanced Course.

Our classroom is a high tech design with interactive laptops and projectors and all sorts of g-wizardry. It also happens to be completely covered with blue carpet; floors, walls, everything ~ hence the blue carpet madness. There are no windows and we spend upwards of 12 hours a day in it doing everything from mission analysis to classes given in the PowerPoint marathon format. The funny thing is, I am so busy there trying to learn everything and develop myself as a better officer, that I hardly notice the time or the blue carpet anymore.

Now, the church that we started attending here in Lawton is also covered with carpet, its brown carpet but carpet none the less ("They say taupe is very soothing"). I spend maybe an hour and half in the brown carpet sanctuary every week, yet somehow I manage to track every second of that time, and definitely take notice of the carpet. The thing is I should be so much more invested in the knowledge being put forth in the brown carpet madness than the blue carpet madness, yet somehow I have problems making the transition. I've written a lot about priorities in the past, and I think this falls into that category but, I find myself asking, Am I focusing too much on the "blue carpet" and not enough on the "brown carpet"?

In the words of Uncle L....

Don't call it a come back.
With this semester's Grad School courses behind me, and under pressure from the wife, cousin's wife, and my sister who are all torching the interweb daily as a part of NaBloPoMo- NoGoToSleepoWithoutYourBlogWritteno I have decided to relaunch G.I. Josephus.
Look for more exciting posts coming soon to IP addresses near you.

4-H Fun

So last night we went to the Somerset County 4-H Fair. I know, I was shocked that there is 4-H in NJ, but it is the "Garden State" after all. There was plenty to do and everyone was having fun until it started pouring down rain, in a freak Summer Thunderstorm. Now, you would think this would ruin the rest of the evening, but for a 2 year old this was possibly the only thing that could top being half eaten by a llama (which had happened earlier in the day). At first I was trying to keep out of all the rapidly forming puddles, and under the cover of the tents, but my son had other ideas.

As that tiny 2year old force of nature dragged me out into a much greater force of nature I realized that all that energy I expended trying to keep dry was making us both miss out on something awesome. I think God is like that sometimes, he will let me work and work at staying dry, only to "shower me in the end anyway, and then let me realize for myself that it was what I needed all along.

Once I let go, I had an awesome time running through the rain and doing handstands in puddles while my 2year old splashed approvingly (I was getting into the Olympic spirit with the handstands). I am working on letting go more and just enjoying God's awesomeness, whether its a rain storm, or what assignment I will wind up with next.

NOTE: I had never been to a 4-H Fair before, and had no idea what it stood for. Driving there in the car my wife and I came up with: Horticulture, Husbandry, Hanimals, and Hippies. Apparently that is not what it stands for, but we saw plenty of all of those. Have your own idea of what the 4Hs are, leave a comment.

Radio Remix

Since getting back from Germany, I have been doing a lot of driving while on leave. To go along with that, I have been listening to a lot of radio. It's not that they don't have radio in Germany, I just never new what they were saying except for the random, "blue jeans", or "coca-cola". So, anyways, it is nice to be able to understand the "jibber-jabber" as Mr. T would stay.

Today I was listening to the local Christian station by my Mother-in-law's house, and a woman called in and told a story about how God had made an impact at a difficult time in her life. What stuck out to me was as she was encouraging others with her story she said, "God will help you anyway he can." This sounded wrong to me, but it took me awhile to figure out why.

For God to help me anyway he can seems to imply that there are ways he can't help which doesn't fit with my conception of an all powerful deity. I think though that we sometimes think of God like that, as if in our crazy mixed up world he is doing everything he "can". I put limits on God as to what he does and does not care about, or how much he is willing to give or far he is willing to go for me.

The thing is, God has no limits, and he proved how far he is willing to go through his son Jesus. I rewrote the original statement to capture how I think God really works: "God will help you anyway he will." God won't do what he can for me or what I want him to do for me, he will do what he wills for me, any limits on what or when he will help are there by his design. I'm working on getting that.

Swimtastical

I am by no means the expert in Special Forces, but I have been in some ODA (Operational Detachment Alpha) "Team Houses". Coming from the general purpose force, these pads are like the Shangri' la of military livin', they are where all the cool people want to be. Team Houses usually have satellite phone/Internet hook-ups, and all the toys the rest of the force can never get.

Today we went and visited the CSSM Beach Mission in LBI (Long Beach Island). After the morning program at the beach, we went back to the "Team House" for lunch. It was an awesome time and good to catch up with some old friends. It was definitely where all the cool people where, there was however a conspicuous lack of gadgetry. To help fix this I thought it would be fun to come up with some "Godly gadgets" to bring the mission's team house into the next century.

In no particular order I give you:

The Prayerator: This handy piece of gear will take random phrases from the Bible and combine them with events from throughout the day and produce a world class prayer fit for any occasion (still in development).

The iRosary: For the Catholic mission trip, these cross shaped mp3 players, are the must have gear for the discerning music aficionado.

What, you don't need gadgetry for the team house to be cool? How can that be, I mean the SOF guys have it. Oh well, its probably for the best, I just wanted to bring up the iRosary, I made up the Prayerator (I think it could sell well though, so if there are any computer programmers/ engineers out there that want to team up, I'm just saying.)

Verbonyms

A verbonym is a combination of two things that the Army loves, Action and Acronyms. Sometimes they are referred to as acroverbs, but don't bother looking either one up, as I don't think Mr. Webster is hip to my lingo yet.

Having just undergone a Permanent Change of Station, or "PCSed", I was reminded of verbing acronyms (the irony of the word verb being a noun is not lost on me I assure you), and thought it would be fun to try and come up with some Christian verbonyms.

Here's my list:

NIVed: To reference the same verse as someone else but in a different translations, such as the New International Version. This basically works for any translation, and would be used as follows; "I was using the Message to make a really strong case for predestination when he started NIVing me."

IHGed: A spiritual sign-off abbreviation, In His Grip/Grace, is used to end e-mails or text messages. As in, "My laptop was running out of battery, so I IHGed my e-mail real quick and clicked send before it died." -I got this one from SCL, check out the link for the whole post.

DBed: The devotional Our Daily Bread, put out by the millions through rbc ministries. "I don't have much free time, so I have been DBing it in the mornings."

VBSed: The favorite Christian pastime, Vacation Bible School is essentially a verb. "I could sleep for a week, I have been VBSing it up since June."

SCLed: The mainstay of sarcastic Christian humor, Stuff Christians Like is more than a blog its an action blog, a verblog if I may. "The youth minister SCLed up the whole retreat, it was pretty awesome."

Have some to add to the list? Leave a comment and do your part to increase the acroverbology of this site.

Up and Running

Well, the family and I survived the move from Germany back to the states, and are now in a new house with Internet hooked back up. What that means is that the posts should start rolling again. A three week trip to NJ is planned for the rest of August, so there will probably be many leave themed posts, as well as continuing with the PCS theme so stay tuned.

Clean Enough?

The past several days have been a frenzy of cleaning, as we got ready for our final housing inspection. In an effort to be thorough I combined cleansing products in unique blend which would have undoubtedly landed me in hot water with Homeland Security, had we been back in the states. Luckily Jack Bower did not make an appearance and we passed with flying colors.

All this cleaning made me think about how I often try to get closer to God through cleaning. If I scrub real hard at the mistakes I have made, I will some how become more holy. I think that may stem in part from the saying, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness". Let me point out that this phrase does not appear anywhere in the Bible. According to Phrase Finder, it is first attribute to Francis Bacon in its English form, said to have been derived from an ancient Hebrew saying.

The thing is, no amount of Mr. Clean can wipe the stain of those mistakes from my past. Luckily, Jesus did that job for me already, so I can put away the Swifer Wet Jet and focus on what is important, which is to continue to build a relationship with him that goes beyond an outward cleanliness. I will continue to try and clean up the messes in my life, but the pressure of having every thing spic and span for the final inspection is over with, JC has that covered.

Moving Madness

The Army has set up a system where every 3-4 years they move everyone around. I was once told that this was to keep people moving forward and progressing, while affording them the opportunity to do different things. Layered on top of this is the job rotation at each assignment where, at least until the Lieutenant Colonel/ Sergeant Major rank, you hold different positions at each duty station. This allows for a more well rounded Soldier, and constantly presents you with new challenges.

I think elements of this system would be great if applied to Christian life. Maybe it already exists, but I have to ask myself when was the last time I was really challenged in my Christian faith. Have I become stagnant because there is nothing pushing me to keep moving forward and progressing? That is part of what this site is all about, to keep me focused and challenge me to view the circumstances of my life through the lens of Christianity. What's moving you forward?

My House in Boxes

Right now I am getting ready to do a Permanent Change of Station (PCS) move. We are moving from our posting overseas which we have been at for the past 5 and 1/2 years, back to the US. This has caused much anxiety and stress as I go through and identify what stuff we need to take with us, what stuff can be shipped, and what stuff we should mail. We have a lot of stuff. My wife and I have tagged some things that don't fit the pack, ship, or mail categories. (Mostly super annoying toys that make noise on only one volume, ear-bleeder, that my sons will hold the button down on for 20 straight minutes.)

Sifting through all that stuff I am reminded of how much clutter life can accumulate. As time goes on, the "stuff" of life can crowd out the essentials of a relationship. I sacrifice my quite time with God to get into the office early and have my cup of coffee and check e-mail before PT. I turn down time spent with my wife after the kids are in bed, to watch TV because I am to worn out from day full of stuff.

I think along with the overly loud toy guitar, not the Backyardigans one with volume switch the other one, there are some things that I may have to leave behind. It has been good to take a look at the "stuff" accumulating in my life, I'm working on it. More PCS related posts coming up, provided I still have a computer.

Report Cards

I recently had to write my own Officer Evaluation Report (OER). This is the Army's equivalent of a performance review, or report card if you will. I submitted it to my rater, and he will review it, make changes, and put some of his own comments in, but for the most part all the leg work is done for him.

While I was doing it I realized a couple of things. One, it is hard to write about yourself. I mean, I know I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but I am generally self deprecating by nature. Two, there is no report card for Christianity. Now, I know that God reserves judgment over all things, but here are some ways to help you evaluate your performance in Christian living.

Starting your own Bible study/small group. 2 points
Advertising it as "best thing since sliced bread/Jesus' sermon on the mount". -2 points

Volunteering to collect offering at Chapel. 1 point
Doing it so you can see if putting a 5 spot in the plate makes you look cheap. -1 point

Leading corporate prayer. 1 point
Dropping a Pray4 in the middle of it. -1 point

Doing daily devotionals. 2 points
Doing them to get out of morning diaper duty. -1 point

Watching the kids so your wife can go on a Chapel retreat. 3 points
Referring to watching your kids as having "babysitting duty". -1 point
Referring to the retreat as "Weepyfest '08". -2 points

Worshiping with your eyes closed. 1 point
Having your eyes closed during worship because you are actually asleep. -2 points

Listening to Christian music on your ride into work. 2 points
Blaming the CD on your wife when a coworker gets in. -2 points

Mentoring a Christian friend. 1 point
Using the "Do good stuff" technique for mentorship. -1 point

Taking notes during the sermon. 2 points
Passing note during the sermon. -1 point

Raising your hands while singing praise. 1 point
Doing shadow puppets in front of the projector while signing praise. -1 point

I hope you had fun with this, I know I did. Let me know how you scored, and any events you think should make the list.

A Week Away

Today my battalion leaves for a 2 month gunnery rotation and Mission Readiness Exercise (MRX). During this time they will "enjoy" living in the field training, free of distractions and red cycle taskings. This exercise will prepare them for a future combat deployment, and allow them the time they need to establish their systems for how they are going to fight. While there are mixed feelings about being away from families for so long, field time is generally viewed as a good thing which allows units to gain important skills in a permissive environment.

I think the retreat is the Christian equivalent of the MRX. Granted, there is probably less camouflage face paint, and more showering going on, but it serves a similar purpose. The retreat allows you to get away from those things that distract you in your daily life and focus on gaining skills necessary to having a closer relationship with God.

I haven't been a retreat in a while, but this summer I plan on visiting a mission that my wife used to be on called CSSM at Long Beach Island. I have no idea what it stands for, if I had to guess I would say, Christian Super Sandtastical Mission for awesome people that really love the Lord and also think the beach is good too, or something like that. That is a little long for an acronym which is probably why they just stuck with the 1st 4 words.

Anyways, even if you don't get to go to one, you can still have that MRX/ retreat experience. Because it's not really about the location or what its called, it's about firewalling off some time to gain the skills that will make your Christian relationships richer.

P.S. If you are running a retreat, make sure it has an awesome name like my wife's summer mission group CSSMaptrltlaattbigt. My friend Steve once did a 3 month one called "Lift" where he lived in the Adirondacks and ate a lot of fish or something. I thought that was pretty good. If I ever run one, it will be called "Heirborn" and will involve base jumping; you'll have to sign a waiver.

The 'Os Have It

Part 3 the FRAGO

Anything that changes the original plan is considered a FRAGO. Since, most orders are published by staff that hasn't slept in days and are barely in touch with reality, they are usually flawed in some way. To counter this the Army invented the FRAGO, to fix the order without having to scrap it and start from scratch.

Chapel services are 90% FRAGO run. In an earlier post I refer to flexicution as the main method of running an Army worship service, this can also be looked at as FRAGOing. This comes to frantic head when the projector won't work, the Sunday school director is out sick, and the Chaplain's assistant got stuck on staff duty.

Since, I am equating specific parts of the service to their respective 'Os, I have dubbed Corporate Prayer time as the FRAGO of Chapel services. Every Chapel does it a little different, but the basic premise is that members of the congregation can share their prayer requests, and then the Chaplain/designated representative has to wrap it up into one big prayer. (This is a prime spot to drop the Pray4.) Anything can come out during this, kids provide some great material if they haven't already been sent of to children's church. These requests can sometimes require fast thinking, so here are some tips to help out if you ever get pegged with leading corporate prayer.

1. Write furiously.
You don't want to be the guy who forgot Aunt Sally's 200lbs goiter, or the little girl in front who asked for prayer for her dog Lefty who just lost a paw in a bizarre gasoline fight accident.

2. Mumble.
You may have to pray for someone with an unpronounceable last name like Hazimazibrohimi-Movich. Rather than get it wrong, just mumble through it, God knows who you are talking about, its all good.

3. Filler.
You may get picked to pray on the Sunday where no one has anything to say. It is a well know fact that your holiness can be judged by how long you pray in front of groups, so have some backup material just in case.

4. Dismount.
It is tricky to get your prayer just the right length. Coordinate ahead of time with the worship leader to start playing the next praise song very softly once you've made it through all the prayer requests. Then you can end your prayer with the first verse of the song, a kinda "spoken word" type thing.

This raps up my 3 part series on the "O"s. Three is God's favorite number after 7, but right before 40. School House Rock calls it the Magic Number, but since we hate magic... and Harry Potter, I'll just call it 3, while secretly listening to Blind Mellon's remake and reading The Goblet of Fire with a flashlight under my covers.

O-O It's Magic

Part 2 the OPORD

The Operations Order or "OPORD" is the meat and potatoes of the Army orders process. It is comprised of 5 paragraphs: Situation, Mission, Execution, Service Support, and Command and Signal. Theoretically, these 5 paragraphs will cover every thing you need to know to accomplish p2- the mission. Well, these plus the dizzying number of annexes, appendixes, tabs, and enclosures which will make the resulting end product weigh approximately the same as a baby elephant.

The sermon is the OPORD of a Chapel service. This is where the meat and potatoes reside, sandwiched in there between sides of praise songs and prayer, umm delicious. (This is the danger I run into writing during lunch.)

Anyways, here are my suggestions for a great message OPORD style.

1. Situation.
This is the warm up act of the sermon. Preferably, this should be given by the youngest chaplain you can find. He can do some jokes, we all like jokes, and reestablish the vibe of worship that has started to fade along with the last chords of Indescribable. Also, this is cleanup time. The chaplain should be able to identify that whoever was running the service has forgotten to: collect offering/seat the congregation after the last praise song/dismiss the screaming horde to the saintly ladies who run children's church, and fix it.

2. Mission.
This is too easy. Here we introduce the text of the message. Now it may be hard to follow the warm up act with a passage about a controversial issue. In these cases, coordinate before hand to have a member of the congregation do the reading. Then you can stand up and act surprised, like they chose that passage on their own, but now you have to talk about it. This will soften the blow, while simultaneously making you look like the good guy.

3. Execution.
Also known as get down to business time, this is where the text is "unpacked". This is the Chaplain's time to shine, break out some Greek, and just generally dazzle us with some profound revelation. To draw the parallel out even further; sub-paragraphs in the Execution include Tasks to Subordinate Units, and Coordinating Instructions. This is where you can drop "The Challenge", as in "I want you all to think about Christian service this week... as a reminder Chapel cleanup is this weekend."

4.Service Support.
Nobody reads this paragraph, likewise, this is probably the part of the sermon when you will start losing folks. To help keep everyone on track, start referencing different chapters and books of the Bible, preferably obscure Old Testament ones. The page flipping will wake up anyone dozing, and the resultant exercise will pump endorphins through their systems making them happy to sit through the rest of your 2 hour dissertation on regulations against mildew.

5. Command and Signal.
It's wrap up time. If you end with a prayer, make sure you reference the Trinity. This will cover your succession of command and well as keep the lines of communication open. However, if you still have 3 or 4 more points to make, don't worry, right after C&S is the list of appendixes, et al. There are practically infinite enclosures to an OPORD, so you can keep on going right up till the Chaplain from the next service carries you out to the parking lot.

I hope this helps add some structure to your next at-bat for sermon time.

All sorts of ‘Os

Part 1 the WARNO

In the Army we have an orders process which consists of 3 main parts; Warning Orders (WARNO gives the “heads up”), Operations Orders (OPORD gives the plan), and Fragmentary Orders (FRAGO completely changes the plan, because the plan stunk anyways). This is the basic flow of how we get things accomplished in the Army, and it kind of fits how Chapel is run as well. Over the next several posts I will relate these orders to distinct elements of Chapel, and offer some suggestions to crafting a better service.

The bulletin is the WARNO of Chapel services. It gives you a heads up as to what you are about to experience for the next hour to hour and a half.

Here are my suggestions for bulletin improvement:

1. Worse graphics.
Unlike a WARNO the bulletin usually comes complete with a topical picture on the front. Churches will usually have some outdoor scenery with a verse or some flowers/doves. Chapel bulletins do the same except we work in the flag more often and switch the dove for an eagle. Looking at those outdoor scenes makes me want to be in them, not crammed up in a pew wishing the 20ft distance between me and the ceiling fan was 2inches instead. This can easily be remedied by putting depressing scenes on the front of the bulletin with verses like, "....and those who look out of the windows are darkened." (Ecclesiastes 12:3) That would keep my attention on the sermon and not on gazing wistfully outside.

2. Less detail.
Including a detailed sequence of events takes away the mystery. I want my "Oh Leviticus 13 where did that come from?" moment. Plus it ensures that when the Chaplain which got pegged with running the service forgets to dismiss the kids for children's church, I won't let out an overly loud "Oh snap!" in the middle of the silent prayer while I am perusing the bulletin.

3. Truth in advertising.
On the song sheet included with the bulletin where there is a little "x2" next to the chorus of all the praise songs, and occasionally the verses, just go ahead and bump those numbers up (maybe to x a million, that sounds about right). You and I both know that the worship leader isn't going to let that song go after just twice through the chorus. Better yet, write out the entire chorus about ten times at the end of each song. This will make the song sheet a little longer, we could turn it into a song scroll, that sounds way more holy anyways.

Each Chapel/Church does their bulletin a little different, got a suggestion for yours, post it here. I love to get your comments so keep 'em coming.

The 4 Day Pass

Alternately titled; Anything Goes Facial Hair Sunday

One thing you can count on in the Army is the 4 day pass for Independence Day. In honor of this event, and having 4 days off in a row (sorry for those of you who got stuck with flag detail/staff duty/ courtesy patrol), I figured I would look at how we celebrate our freedom by coming to Chapel with as many as 4 days of facial growth behind us.


Generals= The Martin Van Buren
There are no Generals at my current duty station, but I imagine that on 4 days they are sporting the MVB, and sighing wistfully while looking at lithographs of Custer riding across the plans.

Colonels= None
"What, I don't have time to grow hair, do you know how many meetings I have to sit through? Task the S3 or XO to grow some for me."

Majors= 5 O'clock Shadow
The day old grow is pretty much already a permanent fixture on most S3/Xo's faces, why not extend it through the weekend? Chances are they have to work anyways.

Captains= The Grizzly Adams
I often seize the 4th of July weekend as my last chance to not shave before summer gunnery/deployment/months of misery where there are no Federal Holidays. I can't be bothered trying to earn style points. Believe me, I'm not alone.

Lieutenants= ???
Good luck finding an LT on the weekend. Chances are they are out doing something extreme, rockin' some ridiculous scruff.... ah, I remember those days.

Sergeants Major= Handle Bar Mustache
This is the MVB for the top enlisted rank. I often think they secretly wish their mustache could extend past the corners of their mouths.

First Sergeant= None
After 20+ years, these guys have trained their bodies to stop growing facial hair, or have limited it to a 2 inch piece of real estate above their upper lip.

Sergeants= The Hulk Hogan
OK, I don't really know, but I had a Platoon Sergeant once who I thought would look awesome with one.

Specialists= Soul Patch
The SPC mentality, "I've been there, done that, time for me to get my cool on."

Privates= Goatee
This is probably accompanied by a mohawk or some scenario carved into their head, because come 1st formation, they are going to be bald anyways.

I'm sure I missed some, send me a comment with your favorite 4day pass facial hair styles. Maybe I'll show up to Chapel with it.

Negative Positives

In the Army we have this way of degrading somebody while using complimentary words. An example would be: "Oh that guy, hes a real Hero!" or " It's hard visualize when written out, but the inflection on the word hero is such that, instead of visions of firemen saving folks from burning buildings, you see the place kicker miss the winning field goal from 10yards out.

I think there is a tendency to do this even more as Christians. We are supposed to be edifying, kind, and all that jazz, so we feel bad running around calling people idiots (even if they are). Instead we dress up what we are really feeling with phrases like, "in Christian love", "I don't want to gossip, but...", and the like. One of my all time favorites is the Pray4, as in, "pray for so-and-so as he is really struggling with not being a moron....".

If I am truly supposed to be edifying and kind and build people up, I don't think that dropping the pray4 is going to get me there. People say and do stupid things, I say and do stupid things, and I think its ok to say, "hey man, that was dumb". The point is telling them upfront, in a way that makes it clear that their decision could have been improved upon, while maybe not the gentlest method, is definitely kinder than dropping the pray4 on them in the middle of chapel service, or calling them Hero when you really mean Zero.

If I have written anything stupid so far, shoot me a "hey man" or post a comment.
email cptjosh at: josh_walt@hotmail.com

Scrumptrulescent

I was once told by an NCO (Non Commissioned Officers) who worked for me that I had helped him increase his "knowledgement". I thought this was hilarious (and I think one of my friends actually peed himself a little) but, I graciously accepted my compliment and endeavoured from that point forth to expand my vocabulary to new and dizzying heights. Others in ear shot did not have the panache to do likewise. The guy was trying so hard to look smart, but in the end he was only fooling himself.

While that situation was really funny, I often do the same thing with Christianity. For some reason I feel the need to try and sound smarter than I really am, as if by name dropping Reinhold Niebuhr I will somehow earn some sort of bonus points or a free square in Biblical Bingo. The thing is, while doing that, I am only tricking myself into thinking that "knowledgement" is the what counts. The personal relationship I had with that NCO transcended our respective positions on the intellectual plane, and I think the same holds true with God.

I am going to continue to try and increase my "knowledgement" of God, but I may have a different aim than finaly winning at Bible Scategories (seriously, my wife kills me every time.... cheater).

Crutches anyone?

In the pantheon of Armyisms, "sleep is a crutch", is certainly in the top 5. We love this saying because it fits with the reality of the do more with less force structure. I have used this to motivate me into power-napping my way through two week field problems averaging 2 hours of sleep a day, and on occasion the extended Halo2 tournament. Why then do I find it so hard to get up on Sunday morning, and so easy to complain about how our chapel's service starts at 9am?

I think the problem has less to do with sleep and more do to with what motivates me. It is a harsh realization that leads me to disclose this fact to the internet, that I often enjoy my video games more than going to church. I recognize this problem and I'm probably not alone it. Reorganizing priorities and placing God in the "stuff worth forgoing siestas for" category and not in the "inconvenient stuff which keeps me from sleeping and or WoWing it up category" is certainly a step in the right direction.

P.S. More in an upcoming post on the WoW phenomena in the Army. (WoW as in World of Warcraft not the Christian album series)

Chapel vs. Church

In many of my previous posts I have referenced the chapel. To clarify, chapel is the Army version of church. Most Christian colleges/camps use the term for their daily services, in the Army we extend the term to encompass Sunday morning worship as well.

The differences between church and chapel with respect to Sunday services is subtle. The main difference comes in personnel turn over. Army chaplains are on the same PCS (Permanent Change of Station) schedule as everyone else, which lends itself to various other changes. At my home church, the pastor has been there for 50+ years (my grandfather and he actually built the church). In chapel, you never know who is going to be speaking and what form the service will take.

If you are lucky enough to stay at one installation long enough you can see 2 or 3 different sets of worship teams rotate through as well, going from: Hymnal Hero, to Tomlin Curious and beyond, though rarely will you ever see the Carlos. (I am borrowing these categories from Stuff Christians Like, a great blog that really deserves it's own shout out post. I'll get around to giving it its own permalink here sometime soon.)

Things in chapel are much more flexicution based (see Semper Gumbi) than in most churches. There is really no staff, as most chaplains are assigned to battalions and "cover down" on Sundays at the chapel. This usually means that they did not plan the service they are running, which can lead to skipping offering, forgetting to tell people they can sit back down after song time and having the entire congregation stand through a 40min sermon (at some point we figure it out and just plop down, or conversely see who can stick it out the longest), etc.

Well, I think the point, if there is one, is that Chapel= Church - Pastor + Army x revolving door.

Yes, another opportunity to work the wonder that is Walker Texas Ranger into a post:
Chuck Norris once slammed a revolving door.

Wild about Wild

One thing that we love in the Army Christian community is war themed Bible studies. We have "Combat Christ", God's Army, ect. Dare I say, G.I. Josephus falls into this category, to an extent, with its witty look into cultural parallels between the military and Christianity (and over use of punctuation marks such as the parenthesis).

A few years back a friend, who was serving in Germany as a missionary with Cadence (a fantastic organization with the aim of reaching service men and women living overseas), did a study based off John Eldredge's book Wild at Heart. The book talks about the domestication of a man's spirit and the need for us to get back to being men (my summarization, kind of like The Message translation, but not as insightful). The problem as John saw it was that through the course of social activism men have had the wildness, the verve of manhood, tamed out of them and that God was fierce and wild and we shouldn't lose sight of that.

The problem as I saw it was that I had just returned from Iraq and was engaged with and surrounded by valorous and manly acts, and was approaching life from entirely different perspective than that of a some guy with a 9-5 in an office park (not that I am against that). The thing is, while we love these military themed manly approaches to studying God, we are surround by that stuff every day as a part of our job. I think I need to do a better job of viewing God in those circumstances and not through or in spite of those circumstances. And, while I know God is cool with me doing it up Army style, I am pretty sure he is just as cool with me being still and quite and as far from "wild" as I can get.

Combat Camera

One of the unique agencies we have in the Army is Combat Camera. These man and women travel around the battlefield documenting the work being done with digital media. They are very good at what they do and take some fantastic photos (right hand column, 4th down). It's always nice to see yourself on TV or the splash page of Army Knowledge Online however, it comes with a price.

As a PL (Platoon Leader) I had several opportunities to take these guys out on patrol with me and show them the great work my platoon was doing in Bayji, Iraq. I briefed the guys beforehand on what we were doing and everything went smoothly. They were very responsive, took some great action shots, and put together a press release out of the mission. The problem was; during the mission some of my guys had downgraded their uniform, took off their knee pads, eye pro, etc. and when the CG (Division Commander) saw the press release, he didn't focus on what we were doing, but rather on the fact that some of my Soldiers were out of uniform.

It was not a big deal, and they eventually photo-shopped in the sunglasses and knee pads, but it made me think, what if there was a Christian Combat Camera? (I could call them C3 or something.) I would probably act different if there was a camera documenting my daily goings-on. Obviously this is a flawed parallel, as C3 wouldn't be able to get at mindsets and attitudes, which is where the real problem lays most of the time.

The thing is, God doesn't need combat camera, he already has the inside scoop. And, unlike the CG, his concerns go beyond the surface issues of uniform standards, down to what is going on inside of me. His focus is not limited to what can be seen by a camera lens, and there is no photo-shop to fixup my attitude when I'm outwardly in compliance and inwardly rebelious.

Weekend Warrior or Weekend Worrier?

Since it is Friday, I figured I would relate one of the Army's favorite end of week activities... The Safety Brief. As a Commander I would hold formation on Friday evenings and dispense of my awesome knowledge in the form of a safety brief. Basically the theme was always the same "don't do stupid stuff", which will then entail me going to the MP Station at 0200AM to go get you out of the hoosgow (sp?). Each week I would pick different stupid things to elaborate on, highlight incidents from the previous weekend, etc. Most weekends would pass uneventfully, but there those weekends when the inexplicable would happen and I would find myself in deep conversation with my very grumpy, recently awakened First Sergeant. Inevitably the infraction committed was the one I had chosen to elaborate on at the safety brief.

When things were going well I would relax and enjoy my weekend, but when we were closing in on a deployment or some serious field, time my weekend would be a mess of worry and waiting for that phone to ring. I would allow anticipation of a future event I could not control ruin my precious little free time with my family.

Sometimes I view Sunday Sermons as the Christian version of the Weekend Safety Brief. I go in on Sunday and get my dose of "don't do stupid stuff"(sin). When things are going well, I relax and enjoy the music, the message, and get my worship on. But, when things are not so good, when I have made the same boneheaded decision for the millionth time, I am a wreck and ruin my precious little dedicated time with God.

The problem is; Sunday worship isn't meant to be a Christian version of the safety brief, if anything it is quite the opposite. Our focus should be on how in spite of our "stupid stuff", God made a plan for salvation. It should be about renewing our connection with God, and spending some quality time in his presence. I think I need to focus more on that, and less on getting a fix of safety brief Sunday style.

Do Some Stuff

I thought I would follow up the felxicution post with a post about how we arrive at the point of flexicution in the Army. The genesis of this this usually comes in the form of "guidance". Right now I am neck deep in the planning phase of a major 2 month train-up for an up-coming deployment. My guidance came in the form of 2 vague PowerPoint slides and one of my favorite phrases "Do good stuff, don't mess it up."

This is the greatest guidance you can ever give if you have no idea what to say, and are just glad you're not the one that has do whatever it is that you are tasking out. Or, you just don't have the time to spell it all out. It is however, probably the least helpful advice you can give. It doesn't tell anyone anything other than if you don't get it right there will be consequences. It also assumes that you know what good stuff is.

We tend to do this when giving Christian guidance.

Guy: Hey, I'm about to go off to a secular state school and be surrounded by alcohol, sex, and drugs.

Me: Wow, well you know, "be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect." and stuff. (Matt. 5:48)

Guy: Thanks josh, your deep words of wisdom have profoundly impacted me in ways I have only just begun to realize.

Me: I know.
And we leave it at that.

There it is: the Christian equivalent of "do good stuff, don't mess it up." I am terrible about giving guidance. I automatically switch into Holy Mode (because if you are coming to me for guidance I must put on my holy headgear) and start spouting obscure verses that while possibly helpful, are usually followed by an oratory that will in the end surmount to do good stuff, don't mess up.

That's not what Christ is about though. His "do good stuff", comes in the middle of the sermon on the mount in which he gives all sorts of useful guidance on specific topics to which we can relate (poverty, divorce, judging others, etc.). His guidance is clear and detailed. As for the second part, the "don't mess it up part", his response is; he will meet us with love. I am working on my giving guidance in a more accessible, less "holier-than-thou, do good stuff, don't mess it up" approach. Hopefully this blog is a good start. If it's not, call me on it, I can always use feedback; negative or positive.

Semper Gumbi

Somewhere along the way the Army lost the ability to lock things in. That is, we make a plan and then plan on it changing prior to/ during execution. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it allows for adaptability and flexibility, and takes into account that the enemy/environment have a "vote". We came up with a new word, flexecute (this is a non-doctrinal term) and have been flexecuting all over the place ever since.

The thing is chapels have been in the flexecution game way longer. Walking in on Sunday, I know that the chaplain is going to tag me for something. That something could be collecting offering, jumping in the sound booth, or rocking out with the praise band with my awesome guitar shredding skills (dare to dream josh, dare to dream). We are so good at being flexible in getting stuff done, but what about how we do it?

Raised in a conservative church, going to the chapel on post when I first came in to the Army was culture shock. What do you mean they allow guitars in the sanctuary, Heresy! ... I overcame my hangup with praise music at Sunday morning worship (guitars at youth group was always cool with me) and can now rock out for the Lord anytime. I still tend to get hung up on stupid stuff though, we didn't say the Lord's Prayer, we served communion and it wasn't the first Sunday of the month, etc. Churches have the same problem, what do you mean you have an interpretive dance to a Bebo Norman song you would like to share? I think I'm starting to lose the parallel here, but you get the idea.

We look for scripted well planned worship services, where God can be reached through the song, prayer, song, message, song, and I'm out format (please don't let it last more than an hour too). I think mixing it up sometimes can be a good thing. God shows up in the flexecution, the alternative, not just the bulletin format. So next time youth Sunday rolls around and a kid with green hair does a "punk praise" rendition of your favorite hymn, embrace the flex.

ADD: The principle extends to how we live too. Jesus flexecuted his way all over Israel, he launched his disciples into the world with nothing and told them to spread the word. I think I do a poor job of applying that to my life. I always want a plan, to lock in the next step, and when I don't have that I get frustrated. When I do that I lose the ability to let God show his goodness in the uncertain times. I'm not saying don't plan things out or save for retirement, just know that God has a plan even when you don't, and that plan may require you to flexecute. It's all good.

Morning Mayhem

In the Army we love waking up early. An old recruiting slogan for the Army was "We do more before 8, than most people do all day", which I think was a terrible way to try and get people to join the Army (maybe why we don't use it anymore). I mean, who wants to hear about how early you will have to get up, lets tell everyone that there's free ice cream, that would motivate me. Anyways, it's true, I do a lot of stuff before hitting the DFAC (dining facility) for breakfast chow.

One of the main activities for the morning is PT (physical training). I love that the Army sets time aside for me to get my swole on, as it were. We recognize that PT is an essential part of Soldiering, and so it comes first in our day at a time when there are no distractions.

This is a great model that can be applied to our Christian lives as well. Communication is an essential part of any relationship and our communication with God is no exception. I am terrible at setting aside time without distractions for prayer, but I make PT everyday without fail. In my professional life I mange to put the essential first, why not put God first in my day. I am in the process of putting things more in line and that's part of what this blog is about. There are plenty more parallels involving PT, and I will explore this topic further in future posts (I love how Paul relates the Christian life to sports). Right now though, I have work on getting my prayer on more and using the bussiness of life as an excuse less.

Godly Graffiti

I just returned from a 2 week field problem at a training center in Germany. One of the things I love about deployments (there are plenty of things I dislike) is viewing the latrine "art". It's pretty universal across the Army that in every porta-pottie, out-house, latrine in any training area/Forward Operating Base there will be writing/drawings across every available surface. I don't know what the driving force is behind this defacement, but it's there for all to enjoy. Some of it is vulgar, but some of it is pretty cleverly written limericks and what not. I admit, I have been guiltily enjoying the Chuck Norris jokes that have been cropping up lately.

Invariably though, someone will write "Jesus loves you" or John 3:16 or something along those lines. Now I'm all for evangelism in all it's myriad forms but I have to ask, is defacing government property how we want to spread God's message? I remember one of the beatitudes from the sermon on the mount "blessed are the graffitists for they shall get the last of the toilette paper". Christ calls us to be non-conformists, but we have to smarter than this. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe people have been reached through the Sharpie scripture movement, but I think I'll stick to a more personally interactive way of sharing a God who yearns for personal relationships.

Chuck Norris Haiku 'o the day (as seen on stall door at JMRC):
Man of hairy steel
Chuck don't work out on Bow-Flex
It works out on him

Now that is a treat, the awesomeness that is Walker Texas Ranger boiled down into three lines of 5, 7, and 5 sylables.

Checks and Balances

One of my favorite Army truisms is "What gets checked gets done." When I was a Battery/ Company Commander I got handed a lot of directives each day, and had to accomplish those directives with minimal manpower and never enough time. I got pretty good at figuring out what I had to do and what I could afford to blow off. What helped me determine which "balls" I could drop was figuring out what taskings had visibility, i.e. what got checked; e.g. keeping the Battery area clean, high vis. ordering 100 left handed widget removers we would never use, low vis. Sometimes though, the wrong stuff gets checked, the focus is on how a Soldier looks rather than how well he is trained, how many widget removers are on hand rather than whether or not we know what a widget is or how to remove one in the first place.

The same holds true for me as a Christian. I mis-apply that same mentality in my "spiritual life". Going to chapel on Sundays is high visibility, it gets checked so I make sure I'm there. Spending quality time with God is low vis. so I often let it slide because no is checking in on my quite time. Never mind the attitude that accompanies me to church, I'm there so "check the block", and the deeper issue of blowing off God daily because no one see that. I know, I'm working on that too. And, I'm not saying don't go to church because it's a check the block thing, I love going to church most Sundays (having 2 little boys makes Sunday mornings an adventure sometimes). I think chapel is an awesome way to enjoy corporate worship and connect with other Christians, so put those stones down.

Yes, I did use i.e. and e.g. back to back in the same sentence, though possibly not in the right order. More feats of grammatical gymnastictry in future posts . (gymnastictry is not a word according to spell check, what does spellcheck know. I am inventing words at a phenomenal rate, and thanks to the miracle of the Internet they will now find their way into common usage).

Injects

One tasking I had as a young 2nd Lieutenant was to write "injects" for a division warfighter exercise. A warfighter exercise is a simulated combat experience which focuses on Divisional/ Brigade staffs and their ability to command and control a division. All the troops are built in computers so the actual Soldiers can go about their daily business without having to suffer through yet another training exercise. What it meant to me as an inject writer was 2 more months away from my family and the opportunity to come up with all sorts of bizarre situations to put the division in to create "stress" on the staff in order to help it function at full capacity(coming from a line unit, I felt no remorse, I promise you).

We often talk about injects in the Army, both in terms of situational stuff like the warfighter, and as touch points with our troops, and I see a link to Christianity. When I give an honest look at where my "Christ injects" are on a regular basis I come up with Sundays at Chapel, dinner chow prayer, Thurs. night small group meeting, the occasional Veggie Tales, and nite-nite prayers with my 2year old. Those are all pretty scripted injects, and when viewed as being spread across a weeks worth of time don't give God a lot of "touch points". The random leishmaniasis outbreak inject is missing, I have boiled the direct fire contact down to a standard reporting format. Maybe this is just my issue, and partly why I started this blog, but I think we tend to minimize the Christian injects in our lives, and when we do that we lose the "stress" factor which builds the close relationship with God and helps us function at our full potential.

Obligatory Intro Post

BLUF- that's Army lingo for Bottom Line Up Front, which usually means that past that slide are 120 more slides that you will under no circumstances fall asleep during. Also, it is the first example of many Armyish (new word alert) sayings/ acronyms that will pop up throughout this blog. As I was saying (yes I will continue to interrupt my self also- there I go again), BLUF I am new to running my own blog, but not new to blogs. What I have found is that most blogs have a "mission statement" up front or a clue as to why they were started, etc. so as not to confuse those that wander in unawares. Seems reasonable, especially when the title of said blog does not lend itself intuitively to the purpose of the blog.

Here is what GI Josephus is about: the hopefully funny correlations I have drawn between military service and Christian life. The aim is for the participants to enjoy a quick, most likely sporadically posted (Army life is hectic), slice of Army Christ, and maybe make some connections along the way. And, of course, verbal catharsis for me and my need to use parentheses at least 20 times a day. Feedback is encouraged and will help drive the train on this as I do not have the capital on good ideas.

Caveat: Some of things I say may be taken as insulting, my wife and sister agree that I am an insensitive jerk 74ish % of the time. They are not meant to be, I just find most things amusing, even some things which I understand are holy and reverent.

EDIT: I just found the spell check function and I had 12 errors, I bet the grammar police will be having a field day with this one.

For those playing at home see if you can find at least three distinctly Army sayings in this post.