The 4 Day Pass

Alternately titled; Anything Goes Facial Hair Sunday

One thing you can count on in the Army is the 4 day pass for Independence Day. In honor of this event, and having 4 days off in a row (sorry for those of you who got stuck with flag detail/staff duty/ courtesy patrol), I figured I would look at how we celebrate our freedom by coming to Chapel with as many as 4 days of facial growth behind us.


Generals= The Martin Van Buren
There are no Generals at my current duty station, but I imagine that on 4 days they are sporting the MVB, and sighing wistfully while looking at lithographs of Custer riding across the plans.

Colonels= None
"What, I don't have time to grow hair, do you know how many meetings I have to sit through? Task the S3 or XO to grow some for me."

Majors= 5 O'clock Shadow
The day old grow is pretty much already a permanent fixture on most S3/Xo's faces, why not extend it through the weekend? Chances are they have to work anyways.

Captains= The Grizzly Adams
I often seize the 4th of July weekend as my last chance to not shave before summer gunnery/deployment/months of misery where there are no Federal Holidays. I can't be bothered trying to earn style points. Believe me, I'm not alone.

Lieutenants= ???
Good luck finding an LT on the weekend. Chances are they are out doing something extreme, rockin' some ridiculous scruff.... ah, I remember those days.

Sergeants Major= Handle Bar Mustache
This is the MVB for the top enlisted rank. I often think they secretly wish their mustache could extend past the corners of their mouths.

First Sergeant= None
After 20+ years, these guys have trained their bodies to stop growing facial hair, or have limited it to a 2 inch piece of real estate above their upper lip.

Sergeants= The Hulk Hogan
OK, I don't really know, but I had a Platoon Sergeant once who I thought would look awesome with one.

Specialists= Soul Patch
The SPC mentality, "I've been there, done that, time for me to get my cool on."

Privates= Goatee
This is probably accompanied by a mohawk or some scenario carved into their head, because come 1st formation, they are going to be bald anyways.

I'm sure I missed some, send me a comment with your favorite 4day pass facial hair styles. Maybe I'll show up to Chapel with it.