Clean Enough?

The past several days have been a frenzy of cleaning, as we got ready for our final housing inspection. In an effort to be thorough I combined cleansing products in unique blend which would have undoubtedly landed me in hot water with Homeland Security, had we been back in the states. Luckily Jack Bower did not make an appearance and we passed with flying colors.

All this cleaning made me think about how I often try to get closer to God through cleaning. If I scrub real hard at the mistakes I have made, I will some how become more holy. I think that may stem in part from the saying, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness". Let me point out that this phrase does not appear anywhere in the Bible. According to Phrase Finder, it is first attribute to Francis Bacon in its English form, said to have been derived from an ancient Hebrew saying.

The thing is, no amount of Mr. Clean can wipe the stain of those mistakes from my past. Luckily, Jesus did that job for me already, so I can put away the Swifer Wet Jet and focus on what is important, which is to continue to build a relationship with him that goes beyond an outward cleanliness. I will continue to try and clean up the messes in my life, but the pressure of having every thing spic and span for the final inspection is over with, JC has that covered.

Moving Madness

The Army has set up a system where every 3-4 years they move everyone around. I was once told that this was to keep people moving forward and progressing, while affording them the opportunity to do different things. Layered on top of this is the job rotation at each assignment where, at least until the Lieutenant Colonel/ Sergeant Major rank, you hold different positions at each duty station. This allows for a more well rounded Soldier, and constantly presents you with new challenges.

I think elements of this system would be great if applied to Christian life. Maybe it already exists, but I have to ask myself when was the last time I was really challenged in my Christian faith. Have I become stagnant because there is nothing pushing me to keep moving forward and progressing? That is part of what this site is all about, to keep me focused and challenge me to view the circumstances of my life through the lens of Christianity. What's moving you forward?

My House in Boxes

Right now I am getting ready to do a Permanent Change of Station (PCS) move. We are moving from our posting overseas which we have been at for the past 5 and 1/2 years, back to the US. This has caused much anxiety and stress as I go through and identify what stuff we need to take with us, what stuff can be shipped, and what stuff we should mail. We have a lot of stuff. My wife and I have tagged some things that don't fit the pack, ship, or mail categories. (Mostly super annoying toys that make noise on only one volume, ear-bleeder, that my sons will hold the button down on for 20 straight minutes.)

Sifting through all that stuff I am reminded of how much clutter life can accumulate. As time goes on, the "stuff" of life can crowd out the essentials of a relationship. I sacrifice my quite time with God to get into the office early and have my cup of coffee and check e-mail before PT. I turn down time spent with my wife after the kids are in bed, to watch TV because I am to worn out from day full of stuff.

I think along with the overly loud toy guitar, not the Backyardigans one with volume switch the other one, there are some things that I may have to leave behind. It has been good to take a look at the "stuff" accumulating in my life, I'm working on it. More PCS related posts coming up, provided I still have a computer.

Report Cards

I recently had to write my own Officer Evaluation Report (OER). This is the Army's equivalent of a performance review, or report card if you will. I submitted it to my rater, and he will review it, make changes, and put some of his own comments in, but for the most part all the leg work is done for him.

While I was doing it I realized a couple of things. One, it is hard to write about yourself. I mean, I know I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but I am generally self deprecating by nature. Two, there is no report card for Christianity. Now, I know that God reserves judgment over all things, but here are some ways to help you evaluate your performance in Christian living.

Starting your own Bible study/small group. 2 points
Advertising it as "best thing since sliced bread/Jesus' sermon on the mount". -2 points

Volunteering to collect offering at Chapel. 1 point
Doing it so you can see if putting a 5 spot in the plate makes you look cheap. -1 point

Leading corporate prayer. 1 point
Dropping a Pray4 in the middle of it. -1 point

Doing daily devotionals. 2 points
Doing them to get out of morning diaper duty. -1 point

Watching the kids so your wife can go on a Chapel retreat. 3 points
Referring to watching your kids as having "babysitting duty". -1 point
Referring to the retreat as "Weepyfest '08". -2 points

Worshiping with your eyes closed. 1 point
Having your eyes closed during worship because you are actually asleep. -2 points

Listening to Christian music on your ride into work. 2 points
Blaming the CD on your wife when a coworker gets in. -2 points

Mentoring a Christian friend. 1 point
Using the "Do good stuff" technique for mentorship. -1 point

Taking notes during the sermon. 2 points
Passing note during the sermon. -1 point

Raising your hands while singing praise. 1 point
Doing shadow puppets in front of the projector while signing praise. -1 point

I hope you had fun with this, I know I did. Let me know how you scored, and any events you think should make the list.

A Week Away

Today my battalion leaves for a 2 month gunnery rotation and Mission Readiness Exercise (MRX). During this time they will "enjoy" living in the field training, free of distractions and red cycle taskings. This exercise will prepare them for a future combat deployment, and allow them the time they need to establish their systems for how they are going to fight. While there are mixed feelings about being away from families for so long, field time is generally viewed as a good thing which allows units to gain important skills in a permissive environment.

I think the retreat is the Christian equivalent of the MRX. Granted, there is probably less camouflage face paint, and more showering going on, but it serves a similar purpose. The retreat allows you to get away from those things that distract you in your daily life and focus on gaining skills necessary to having a closer relationship with God.

I haven't been a retreat in a while, but this summer I plan on visiting a mission that my wife used to be on called CSSM at Long Beach Island. I have no idea what it stands for, if I had to guess I would say, Christian Super Sandtastical Mission for awesome people that really love the Lord and also think the beach is good too, or something like that. That is a little long for an acronym which is probably why they just stuck with the 1st 4 words.

Anyways, even if you don't get to go to one, you can still have that MRX/ retreat experience. Because it's not really about the location or what its called, it's about firewalling off some time to gain the skills that will make your Christian relationships richer.

P.S. If you are running a retreat, make sure it has an awesome name like my wife's summer mission group CSSMaptrltlaattbigt. My friend Steve once did a 3 month one called "Lift" where he lived in the Adirondacks and ate a lot of fish or something. I thought that was pretty good. If I ever run one, it will be called "Heirborn" and will involve base jumping; you'll have to sign a waiver.

The 'Os Have It

Part 3 the FRAGO

Anything that changes the original plan is considered a FRAGO. Since, most orders are published by staff that hasn't slept in days and are barely in touch with reality, they are usually flawed in some way. To counter this the Army invented the FRAGO, to fix the order without having to scrap it and start from scratch.

Chapel services are 90% FRAGO run. In an earlier post I refer to flexicution as the main method of running an Army worship service, this can also be looked at as FRAGOing. This comes to frantic head when the projector won't work, the Sunday school director is out sick, and the Chaplain's assistant got stuck on staff duty.

Since, I am equating specific parts of the service to their respective 'Os, I have dubbed Corporate Prayer time as the FRAGO of Chapel services. Every Chapel does it a little different, but the basic premise is that members of the congregation can share their prayer requests, and then the Chaplain/designated representative has to wrap it up into one big prayer. (This is a prime spot to drop the Pray4.) Anything can come out during this, kids provide some great material if they haven't already been sent of to children's church. These requests can sometimes require fast thinking, so here are some tips to help out if you ever get pegged with leading corporate prayer.

1. Write furiously.
You don't want to be the guy who forgot Aunt Sally's 200lbs goiter, or the little girl in front who asked for prayer for her dog Lefty who just lost a paw in a bizarre gasoline fight accident.

2. Mumble.
You may have to pray for someone with an unpronounceable last name like Hazimazibrohimi-Movich. Rather than get it wrong, just mumble through it, God knows who you are talking about, its all good.

3. Filler.
You may get picked to pray on the Sunday where no one has anything to say. It is a well know fact that your holiness can be judged by how long you pray in front of groups, so have some backup material just in case.

4. Dismount.
It is tricky to get your prayer just the right length. Coordinate ahead of time with the worship leader to start playing the next praise song very softly once you've made it through all the prayer requests. Then you can end your prayer with the first verse of the song, a kinda "spoken word" type thing.

This raps up my 3 part series on the "O"s. Three is God's favorite number after 7, but right before 40. School House Rock calls it the Magic Number, but since we hate magic... and Harry Potter, I'll just call it 3, while secretly listening to Blind Mellon's remake and reading The Goblet of Fire with a flashlight under my covers.

O-O It's Magic

Part 2 the OPORD

The Operations Order or "OPORD" is the meat and potatoes of the Army orders process. It is comprised of 5 paragraphs: Situation, Mission, Execution, Service Support, and Command and Signal. Theoretically, these 5 paragraphs will cover every thing you need to know to accomplish p2- the mission. Well, these plus the dizzying number of annexes, appendixes, tabs, and enclosures which will make the resulting end product weigh approximately the same as a baby elephant.

The sermon is the OPORD of a Chapel service. This is where the meat and potatoes reside, sandwiched in there between sides of praise songs and prayer, umm delicious. (This is the danger I run into writing during lunch.)

Anyways, here are my suggestions for a great message OPORD style.

1. Situation.
This is the warm up act of the sermon. Preferably, this should be given by the youngest chaplain you can find. He can do some jokes, we all like jokes, and reestablish the vibe of worship that has started to fade along with the last chords of Indescribable. Also, this is cleanup time. The chaplain should be able to identify that whoever was running the service has forgotten to: collect offering/seat the congregation after the last praise song/dismiss the screaming horde to the saintly ladies who run children's church, and fix it.

2. Mission.
This is too easy. Here we introduce the text of the message. Now it may be hard to follow the warm up act with a passage about a controversial issue. In these cases, coordinate before hand to have a member of the congregation do the reading. Then you can stand up and act surprised, like they chose that passage on their own, but now you have to talk about it. This will soften the blow, while simultaneously making you look like the good guy.

3. Execution.
Also known as get down to business time, this is where the text is "unpacked". This is the Chaplain's time to shine, break out some Greek, and just generally dazzle us with some profound revelation. To draw the parallel out even further; sub-paragraphs in the Execution include Tasks to Subordinate Units, and Coordinating Instructions. This is where you can drop "The Challenge", as in "I want you all to think about Christian service this week... as a reminder Chapel cleanup is this weekend."

4.Service Support.
Nobody reads this paragraph, likewise, this is probably the part of the sermon when you will start losing folks. To help keep everyone on track, start referencing different chapters and books of the Bible, preferably obscure Old Testament ones. The page flipping will wake up anyone dozing, and the resultant exercise will pump endorphins through their systems making them happy to sit through the rest of your 2 hour dissertation on regulations against mildew.

5. Command and Signal.
It's wrap up time. If you end with a prayer, make sure you reference the Trinity. This will cover your succession of command and well as keep the lines of communication open. However, if you still have 3 or 4 more points to make, don't worry, right after C&S is the list of appendixes, et al. There are practically infinite enclosures to an OPORD, so you can keep on going right up till the Chaplain from the next service carries you out to the parking lot.

I hope this helps add some structure to your next at-bat for sermon time.

All sorts of ‘Os

Part 1 the WARNO

In the Army we have an orders process which consists of 3 main parts; Warning Orders (WARNO gives the “heads up”), Operations Orders (OPORD gives the plan), and Fragmentary Orders (FRAGO completely changes the plan, because the plan stunk anyways). This is the basic flow of how we get things accomplished in the Army, and it kind of fits how Chapel is run as well. Over the next several posts I will relate these orders to distinct elements of Chapel, and offer some suggestions to crafting a better service.

The bulletin is the WARNO of Chapel services. It gives you a heads up as to what you are about to experience for the next hour to hour and a half.

Here are my suggestions for bulletin improvement:

1. Worse graphics.
Unlike a WARNO the bulletin usually comes complete with a topical picture on the front. Churches will usually have some outdoor scenery with a verse or some flowers/doves. Chapel bulletins do the same except we work in the flag more often and switch the dove for an eagle. Looking at those outdoor scenes makes me want to be in them, not crammed up in a pew wishing the 20ft distance between me and the ceiling fan was 2inches instead. This can easily be remedied by putting depressing scenes on the front of the bulletin with verses like, "....and those who look out of the windows are darkened." (Ecclesiastes 12:3) That would keep my attention on the sermon and not on gazing wistfully outside.

2. Less detail.
Including a detailed sequence of events takes away the mystery. I want my "Oh Leviticus 13 where did that come from?" moment. Plus it ensures that when the Chaplain which got pegged with running the service forgets to dismiss the kids for children's church, I won't let out an overly loud "Oh snap!" in the middle of the silent prayer while I am perusing the bulletin.

3. Truth in advertising.
On the song sheet included with the bulletin where there is a little "x2" next to the chorus of all the praise songs, and occasionally the verses, just go ahead and bump those numbers up (maybe to x a million, that sounds about right). You and I both know that the worship leader isn't going to let that song go after just twice through the chorus. Better yet, write out the entire chorus about ten times at the end of each song. This will make the song sheet a little longer, we could turn it into a song scroll, that sounds way more holy anyways.

Each Chapel/Church does their bulletin a little different, got a suggestion for yours, post it here. I love to get your comments so keep 'em coming.

The 4 Day Pass

Alternately titled; Anything Goes Facial Hair Sunday

One thing you can count on in the Army is the 4 day pass for Independence Day. In honor of this event, and having 4 days off in a row (sorry for those of you who got stuck with flag detail/staff duty/ courtesy patrol), I figured I would look at how we celebrate our freedom by coming to Chapel with as many as 4 days of facial growth behind us.


Generals= The Martin Van Buren
There are no Generals at my current duty station, but I imagine that on 4 days they are sporting the MVB, and sighing wistfully while looking at lithographs of Custer riding across the plans.

Colonels= None
"What, I don't have time to grow hair, do you know how many meetings I have to sit through? Task the S3 or XO to grow some for me."

Majors= 5 O'clock Shadow
The day old grow is pretty much already a permanent fixture on most S3/Xo's faces, why not extend it through the weekend? Chances are they have to work anyways.

Captains= The Grizzly Adams
I often seize the 4th of July weekend as my last chance to not shave before summer gunnery/deployment/months of misery where there are no Federal Holidays. I can't be bothered trying to earn style points. Believe me, I'm not alone.

Lieutenants= ???
Good luck finding an LT on the weekend. Chances are they are out doing something extreme, rockin' some ridiculous scruff.... ah, I remember those days.

Sergeants Major= Handle Bar Mustache
This is the MVB for the top enlisted rank. I often think they secretly wish their mustache could extend past the corners of their mouths.

First Sergeant= None
After 20+ years, these guys have trained their bodies to stop growing facial hair, or have limited it to a 2 inch piece of real estate above their upper lip.

Sergeants= The Hulk Hogan
OK, I don't really know, but I had a Platoon Sergeant once who I thought would look awesome with one.

Specialists= Soul Patch
The SPC mentality, "I've been there, done that, time for me to get my cool on."

Privates= Goatee
This is probably accompanied by a mohawk or some scenario carved into their head, because come 1st formation, they are going to be bald anyways.

I'm sure I missed some, send me a comment with your favorite 4day pass facial hair styles. Maybe I'll show up to Chapel with it.

Negative Positives

In the Army we have this way of degrading somebody while using complimentary words. An example would be: "Oh that guy, hes a real Hero!" or " It's hard visualize when written out, but the inflection on the word hero is such that, instead of visions of firemen saving folks from burning buildings, you see the place kicker miss the winning field goal from 10yards out.

I think there is a tendency to do this even more as Christians. We are supposed to be edifying, kind, and all that jazz, so we feel bad running around calling people idiots (even if they are). Instead we dress up what we are really feeling with phrases like, "in Christian love", "I don't want to gossip, but...", and the like. One of my all time favorites is the Pray4, as in, "pray for so-and-so as he is really struggling with not being a moron....".

If I am truly supposed to be edifying and kind and build people up, I don't think that dropping the pray4 is going to get me there. People say and do stupid things, I say and do stupid things, and I think its ok to say, "hey man, that was dumb". The point is telling them upfront, in a way that makes it clear that their decision could have been improved upon, while maybe not the gentlest method, is definitely kinder than dropping the pray4 on them in the middle of chapel service, or calling them Hero when you really mean Zero.

If I have written anything stupid so far, shoot me a "hey man" or post a comment.
email cptjosh at: josh_walt@hotmail.com

Scrumptrulescent

I was once told by an NCO (Non Commissioned Officers) who worked for me that I had helped him increase his "knowledgement". I thought this was hilarious (and I think one of my friends actually peed himself a little) but, I graciously accepted my compliment and endeavoured from that point forth to expand my vocabulary to new and dizzying heights. Others in ear shot did not have the panache to do likewise. The guy was trying so hard to look smart, but in the end he was only fooling himself.

While that situation was really funny, I often do the same thing with Christianity. For some reason I feel the need to try and sound smarter than I really am, as if by name dropping Reinhold Niebuhr I will somehow earn some sort of bonus points or a free square in Biblical Bingo. The thing is, while doing that, I am only tricking myself into thinking that "knowledgement" is the what counts. The personal relationship I had with that NCO transcended our respective positions on the intellectual plane, and I think the same holds true with God.

I am going to continue to try and increase my "knowledgement" of God, but I may have a different aim than finaly winning at Bible Scategories (seriously, my wife kills me every time.... cheater).

Crutches anyone?

In the pantheon of Armyisms, "sleep is a crutch", is certainly in the top 5. We love this saying because it fits with the reality of the do more with less force structure. I have used this to motivate me into power-napping my way through two week field problems averaging 2 hours of sleep a day, and on occasion the extended Halo2 tournament. Why then do I find it so hard to get up on Sunday morning, and so easy to complain about how our chapel's service starts at 9am?

I think the problem has less to do with sleep and more do to with what motivates me. It is a harsh realization that leads me to disclose this fact to the internet, that I often enjoy my video games more than going to church. I recognize this problem and I'm probably not alone it. Reorganizing priorities and placing God in the "stuff worth forgoing siestas for" category and not in the "inconvenient stuff which keeps me from sleeping and or WoWing it up category" is certainly a step in the right direction.

P.S. More in an upcoming post on the WoW phenomena in the Army. (WoW as in World of Warcraft not the Christian album series)

Chapel vs. Church

In many of my previous posts I have referenced the chapel. To clarify, chapel is the Army version of church. Most Christian colleges/camps use the term for their daily services, in the Army we extend the term to encompass Sunday morning worship as well.

The differences between church and chapel with respect to Sunday services is subtle. The main difference comes in personnel turn over. Army chaplains are on the same PCS (Permanent Change of Station) schedule as everyone else, which lends itself to various other changes. At my home church, the pastor has been there for 50+ years (my grandfather and he actually built the church). In chapel, you never know who is going to be speaking and what form the service will take.

If you are lucky enough to stay at one installation long enough you can see 2 or 3 different sets of worship teams rotate through as well, going from: Hymnal Hero, to Tomlin Curious and beyond, though rarely will you ever see the Carlos. (I am borrowing these categories from Stuff Christians Like, a great blog that really deserves it's own shout out post. I'll get around to giving it its own permalink here sometime soon.)

Things in chapel are much more flexicution based (see Semper Gumbi) than in most churches. There is really no staff, as most chaplains are assigned to battalions and "cover down" on Sundays at the chapel. This usually means that they did not plan the service they are running, which can lead to skipping offering, forgetting to tell people they can sit back down after song time and having the entire congregation stand through a 40min sermon (at some point we figure it out and just plop down, or conversely see who can stick it out the longest), etc.

Well, I think the point, if there is one, is that Chapel= Church - Pastor + Army x revolving door.

Yes, another opportunity to work the wonder that is Walker Texas Ranger into a post:
Chuck Norris once slammed a revolving door.

Wild about Wild

One thing that we love in the Army Christian community is war themed Bible studies. We have "Combat Christ", God's Army, ect. Dare I say, G.I. Josephus falls into this category, to an extent, with its witty look into cultural parallels between the military and Christianity (and over use of punctuation marks such as the parenthesis).

A few years back a friend, who was serving in Germany as a missionary with Cadence (a fantastic organization with the aim of reaching service men and women living overseas), did a study based off John Eldredge's book Wild at Heart. The book talks about the domestication of a man's spirit and the need for us to get back to being men (my summarization, kind of like The Message translation, but not as insightful). The problem as John saw it was that through the course of social activism men have had the wildness, the verve of manhood, tamed out of them and that God was fierce and wild and we shouldn't lose sight of that.

The problem as I saw it was that I had just returned from Iraq and was engaged with and surrounded by valorous and manly acts, and was approaching life from entirely different perspective than that of a some guy with a 9-5 in an office park (not that I am against that). The thing is, while we love these military themed manly approaches to studying God, we are surround by that stuff every day as a part of our job. I think I need to do a better job of viewing God in those circumstances and not through or in spite of those circumstances. And, while I know God is cool with me doing it up Army style, I am pretty sure he is just as cool with me being still and quite and as far from "wild" as I can get.